How long should you wait until you have sex? Mark asked today at lunch. I always wonder why people ask single people for dating advise. It is like asking a priest for sex advise. Yet when I was in high school a priest did teach me about sex education... In the gay world, having sex can be a bit like shaking hands. It is the first thing that you do...a way to say hello...to connect and to get to know someone. But if you want a relationship should you wait? should you keep the guy on a holding pattern. Should you get to know them first before you get to know your dick? There seems to be two schools of thought on this matter. One school believes in the test drive theory. It is better to find out if you are sexually compatible before you fall in love with the person.

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After all, as grandma says two bottoms do not make a top. Sex is important in gay relationships therefore you must find out that the sex is good before you invest a lot on the non sexual aspects of the relationships. This school of thought would recommend having sex as soon as possible...first date....they also believe in the theory of put out or get out which turns many relationships into open ones which ultimately end. The second school of thought on this matter is that you should wait until it feels right. There is no right or wrong time to wait when you have sex. The best sex I’ve ever had is with people who I really love (or at least like). Sure you always run the risk of just being friends....but if there is good kissing and (blow jobs) usually friends do not fall in the category. Some people from this school believe the longer you wait to have sex the longer the relationship will last. I’m not really sure about this... I had no simple answer for Mark. If I were him, I would just relax and go with the flow. It has only been a week...three dates....not that anyone is counting.

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My travels bring me a lot of perspective. That is one of the legacies my parents passed on to me. Travel gives you an amazing sense of perspective. When I was little I would travel within Colombia with my dad. His work took him all over the country but mostly to small and poor towns. I saw other children like me who were living on the streets...having none of the toys and things I grew up with. Now, every time I come back from my work trips I realise how lucky I am. I actually have everything I need. I am healthy and I am loved. Sure, it would be nice to have a boyfriend or partner but it is not required. There are so many people out there worst off. Being in a relationship does not guarantee happiness and true happiness can only come from the inside. You must make yourself happy before you expect someone else to make you happy.

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No. Not me. My friend Mark ended up dating Ryan, even though he was concerned about whether Ryan was rebounding. What the hell, he figured. What did he have to lose? another failed relationship? They have been on three dates but no sex yet. Mark is worried. Is this just a friendship. They have made out...but that’s about it. Maybe Ryan is not into him...physically or still trying to figure out if he likes Mark as a friend?

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I am going through a happy phase. It could be that my anti anxiety/anti depressants are finally kicking in (after 8 months) or it could be that it is the start of summer. But I feel happy. I feel lucky. I feel blessed. I feel like good things are happening. I have expressed this to my friends. The first thing they ask is...”so who are you dating?” or “what’s his name?” Do I look that needy? Will only a relationship make me happy? I can’t help but wonder if you can can be single and happy.

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